I feel selfish and self-centered today and I embrace the urge in all its glory. I could have fallen victim to the dreaded pour me, pour me, pour me another drink syndrome, recognizing that mundane life has taken charge and I have let it. Time to get selfish.
Selfish is such an interesting concept. I was taught as many of you were that being “selfish” is not Christian-like, spiritual, nice, kind or any other adjective you wish to use. The truth is that being selfish is how we nurture ourselves. Is it selfish to take the first breaths of oxygen when the airplane is losing altitude before your 1-year-old infant who sits beside you horror on their face? Of course not, the flight attendant even instructs you to do so. How much help would you be to your child if you yourself have passed out from lack of air?
It’s funny how we do not apply this miracle philosophy to our daily lives. Busyness intercedes and life shows up and we forget our soul mission. What is our mission any hoo? Why do I care about a purpose, a dream a mission? I have diapers to change, dishes to wash, cold calls to make to pay the mortgage and 10 kids that need car pool.
It seems not every day is a day in paradise even when you live in paradise. Emails and messages, text messages, and busyness pile up. Some days you can’t find the energy to respond to even the simplest question or request. Perhaps you feel on the brink of a breakdown. I know I have succumbed to the ugly cry in the supermarket over not finding the right bread. Denial is a great arbiter of these moments and sometimes pushing through is easier than confronting the angst gurgling just beneath the surface. Do you find yourself saying to yourself “maybe if I don’t respond, if I don’t acknowledge, then maybe I’ll wake up and this life I’m living will all disappear, Prince Charming will appear.” Or perhaps you are a runner, keeping busy cleaning, filing, resorting the kitchen cupboard. “Maybe if I run fast enough away I can forget I even had a dream”.
True selfishness is taking time for you to reflect, regroup and recharge. What better place to do that than my beloved Playa. I fear I have fallen prey to all the avoidance and overwork habits listed in this blog and yet I know that the only way to find true happiness is to be selfish.
Trust that instinct. Nurture yourself this week. Love on yourself. Praise yourself. Create space for yourself. Be true to yourself. Most of all spend time with yourself.
My great, great, great grandfather once said:
Happiness is a butterfly which when pursued is always just beyond your grasp but which if you will sit down quietly may light upon you. — Nathanial Hawthorne.