Debbie Dobbins

A friend of mine just returned from “vacation”.   Being that it’s summer and all, no surprises there.   The thought did occur to me with all my friends coming and going from “vacation”,  I’ve been on Permanent Vacation for over a decade.  How is that possible you might ask?

Let’s start with the true meaning of vacation.  Sure there’s the Webster’s version, “an extended period of recreation, one spent away from home or in traveling”.  It’s no wonder that we believe that – it’s in the dictionary!  It must be the truth.

The real truth is that the origins of the concept come from the Latin vaco, vacatum literally translated, “to be empty, to have leisure, being free from duty, freedom from obligations, release and the best word FREE”.  I didn’t hear anything about a “holiday” in this definition did you?

What does resonate in this concept is a sense of freedom that some people get from leaving their every day life to go somewhere.  The question is do you have to leave in order to feel these incredible qualities?  Can you be on permanent vacation anywhere anytime?  The simple answer is yes.  Just embody those qualities every day.  Herein also lies the rub.  I have so many people tell me how they are worried about losing their job, hating the job they have, stressed from too much work from their job, unfulfilled at their job, obligated to stay in the job for lack of a better opportunity or some feel like they cannot “vaca” simply because they don’t have a job.

NONE of that embodies vacation.  No wonder one would want to run away.

So what the heck does this have to do with money or prosperity.  Simple.  When you are immersed in feelings of worry, stress, doubt, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety your money wants to take a vacation from you.  You essentially push your good away at every turn.   In order for money to want to “hang out with you” you must treat it like a special guest in your home.  Appreciate all it does as if it were on vacation with you.   If your mantra is “I don’t like my job, I am stressed out from work, my work life does not fulfill me” or any other version of these statements, how good of a host are you.  You repel good and prosperity exponentially.The trick is to be in a mental state of permanent vacation and money wants to come to you and bring all it’s friends.

You can begin right now to be on permanent vacation and feel the freedom from obligations, release your attachment to what you believe this situation to be and be filled with “vaca” energy.

You always have a choice.  Just like you have a choice of what to do on an away vacation, you have a choice of how you act and feel every day at work or in your business.  How you feel about your “work life” begins with how you even refer to it.  Do you call it work or vacation.  Just changing how you talk about it will change how you see it.  Consider what you do to create the exchange of energy (money) in your life as fun.  In every moment you can choose to be miserable or free.  Even if you would like to have a different position, job or occupation, begin to create the exit plan AND be happy where you are now.  Stop making excuses for why your situation sucks and begin to see where the good is.  Look around at that co-worker that you detest and find the humor in it.  Look at the struggle where you are in your own business and see the opportunity for growth and development.  Be your own R & D Department to create something new out of something old.  R & D about how to spend your vacation always makes it better.  The better you feel, the more money happens.

Appreciate those around you.  Whether your own your own company or work for someone else you can always appreciate those around you.  The number one reason people leave their jobs in the US is that they don’t feel appreciated.  Not money!  So if you are not feeling appreciated, start appreciating others.  As you do that more will come your way.  Whatever you focus on expands.  As you appreciate someone else for their performance, their helpfulness, their beingness, you expand that cup for yourself.  Without even knowing how it happens, others will begin to appreciate you.  Money likes nothing better than to hang out with people who are giving of themselves.

Consider your options.  No one is forcing you to be where you are right now.  Even though sometimes you feel like that, it’s not the truth.  When you think about your current job or employment situation, take everything into consideration not just the negative aspects.  What are the benefits of being where you are right now?  Money is repelled by hate.  Consider the ways you can love what you are doing right this minute.  Do you dislike the environment, the time constraints, the people.  What can you do to make a difference?  How can you create a team atmosphere, share positive slogans, create genuine respect?  Money loves to be in an atmosphere of harmony.

So that’s it.  Start your permanent vacation today.  As you live in “vacation”, new ideas flow in, you get to hang out with people who are giving and there is an atmosphere of harmony.  The by product is the freedom from obligation since you are now choosing, free from duty because you are willing and release from all the “shoulds” because you are just being.  The best part, it’s free, you don’t have to go anywhere, book a plane ticket or wait in line.

Sounds strange right?  What if you had the secret chemical compound to induce strangers to give you money?  Well you do.  It’s in your brain.  The question is how do you activate it?

It’s commonly referred to as the “Trust”, “Feel Good”, “Everything is all right” hormone.   As humans we are hyper-social creatures.  This hormone helps us navigate a complex world of social relationships by rewarding positive social behavior with feelings of contentment and relaxation.  So what the heck does this have to do with money?

Dr. Paul Zak orchestrated a study which concluded that the “Trust” hormone, Oxytocin, increases a person’s likelihood to trust strangers and give them money.  WHAT?  Yes, give them money!  In the study, participants who were dosed with oxy, were 80% more generous.   People in the oxytocin condition were more trusting of strangers they encountered.

How can you take advantage of the naturally occurring oxytocin and maximize its release in your own body and those of others, including strangers who want to give you money?

Here are the top 4:

Physical touch.  The most potent release of oxytocin is stimulated by physical touch.  Hand shakes, hugs, touching someone’s shoulder, caressing their face, holding hands, snuggling, dance, massage, all appropriate forms of touching.  A touch lasting six seconds or more activates the oxytocin in both the sender and the receiver.  In Dr. Zak’s study he prescribes at least 8 hugs a day to feel happier and more connected.  This in turn builds that trust factor with strangers.  Remember trust equals strangers want to give you money.

Social Media.  Who knew?  Studies have revealed that the use of social media can facilitate the release of oxytocin or even just thinking about someone who loves you or someone you care for is enough to activate the release of oxytocin.  So FB, Twitter, Link In or Pinterest away, but be sure to do it in a heartfelt, loving way.  Your oxytocin will spill over onto the page and strangers will want to give you money.

Happy Faces.  Someone asks you how you are and your response, Fine.  Sometimes don’t you want to say:  If you’re fine you might want to tell your face.  Research has shown that just having a happy face sends a signal to your brain to create more Oxytocin which in turn impacts how you perceive the world.  You begin to recognize appreciative, positive thoughts and experiences you would normally overlook, just by painting a smile on your face.  Smile equals trust and strangers want to give you money.

Prayer or Meditation.  This practice reduces catalysts that produce “cortisol”, the stresser hormone.  While the simple activity reduces anxiety, fear, stress, shyness and negative emotions, it has a double benefit of increasing the frequency of oxytocin.  Without the cortisol, oxytocin is free to provide its maximum benefit.  People trust you more and strangers want to give you money.

A few other fun ways to release oxy:

Introduce yourself to someone new

Make someone smile by being silly

Share a meal

Make music with someone

Go to the movies

Ride a roller coaster

Soak in a hot tub with a friend

Surprise someone with a gift

Pet a dog

Take a hike with a friend

Write a note of thanks to someone

Forgive someone

Go oxy away and see how strangers want to give you money!

Bullish or Bearish – these terms describe the upward or downward market trends of the financial market. Simply put the “financial market” is a market in which people and entities trade financial securities, commodities and items of value and reflect “supply and demand”. I remember the years my mood-meter was governed by the Dow Jones Industrial and the Bond Market.

I would get up in the morning and the first thing I would do is take my daily temperature by turning on the financial news on CNBC. On any given day I could be cautiously optimistic, tentative, exhilarated, depressed, or down right paranoid allowing a perception of what the “economy” was doing to pull my strings of how I would feel or act that day

It was a terrible way to live and yet I know that millions of people still live this way every day. The press and politicians are hell bent on sharing their view of the world with the collective “with alarm” in order to predict chaos and instill fear in order to persuade a vote in their favor. Each side will provide economic forecasters to use their own crystal balls to divine this disastrous outcome if this or that does not happen.

The truth is that the welfare of the nation and the world is determined by the attitude of the “people”. Even the economic statistical data system has embraced this idea by a report called “Consumer Confidence Index.” Simply put it is an appraisal of the current conditions by the average citizen reflecting how they “feel” about the current economic climate. Now these are not people who are taking their temperature by turning on CNBC, but average citizens sharing their expectations of where things are going and where they feel their lives are now.

Watching this report is a much more accurate way to predict where the economy is headed. If it’s bullish, meaning people are optimistic about buying and plenty, then the economy is robust. On the other hand, if they are bearish then they will contract in their purchasing power and the economy will slow in momentum. Clearly the wild card for an economist is predicting how 300 million people will “feel” when they wake up tomorrow morning.

Here’s an idea. What if tomorrow everyone woke up and was Mermaid-ish? What if the entire country became aware that the whole economy could turn swiftly if everyone knew there was enough everywhere? I’m not talking about seeing all those material things that keep us stuck in this pattern of “lack”, but rather “feeling” from a consciousness of ever-present substance, which then becomes a magnetic force that draws things to you, but without becoming the object of your life. To embody the essence of a mermaid as unique, individual, purity, grace, magical and elusive, what else would you possibly need?

Consumer confidence would suddenly shoot through the atmosphere and fear, doubt and lack would be replaced with joy, dancing and magical thoughts Of course expecting everyone to come to this realization is probably as likely as seeing a unicorn appear in your living room today, however you can adopt this consciousness individually and see your perception of the economy, both globally and personally begin to shift. Just because it may appear everyone else does not have this mind set, does not mean you cannot.

History has shown over and over that those who “believe” in success create that success. They refuse to focus on what is not working and instead focus on what is working. Those stories abound from Tom’s Shoes, Donald Trump, Zappos, Google, Bill Gates, the insignificant man who concocted the formula for Coca-Cola to you.

True wealth comes from within and seeing a flow from a fountain that may not be apparent from your physical sight, but that is contained in your own conscious thoughts of abundance.

So the next time you turn on your television, just be aware that you are being presented with a skillfully constructed picture of a world of crime, poverty and economic rescission that you may choose to “believe” or create your own “world” of wealth and abundance.

You can choose to be a bear or a bull and follow the crowd or you can step into your uniqueness and be a mermaid. It’s up to you!

Are you the King of the Sea or the Mermaid on this story?

One rainy Sunday afternoon I found myself in charge of 70 or so school age children.  We were in a gymnasium, and I knew that if I didn’t come up with an idea before long – pure chaos would ensue.  At that very moment I remembered a game – an old roll playing game called Wizards, Giants and Goblins.  So I got my charges to calm down (no easy feat, thank you very much), and I explained the rules of the game:

      “Now,” I proclaimed, “if you wish to be a Giant, stand at the front of the room.  If you wish to be a Wizard, stand in the middle.  And those who wish to be Goblins stand toward the back.  All right,  let the play begin.”  I allowed the children several minutes to confer in huddled masses until the action resumed.

      As I was standing there I felt I tug on my coat.  When I looked down, there was a little girl with blue, questioning eyes.       

      ” ‘Scuse me.”

      “Yes, what is it?”

      “Scuse me, but where do the mermaids stand?”

     “Mermaids? Mermaids?” I sputtered.  “There are no mermaids.”

     “Oh, yes there are.  For you see, I’m a mermaid, and I wish to know where to stand.”

      Now here was a little girl who knew exactly what she was – a mermaid, pure and simple and she wanted to know where to stand.  And, she wouldn’t be satisfied standing on the sidelines watching the others play.  She had her place, and she wanted to know where to stand.

      But, where do the mermaids stand? – all those children we try to mold and form to fit into our boxes.

      Sometimes, I have moments of inspiration.  I looked down at that child, and I held her hand -“Why the mermaid shall stand next to The King of the Sea.” (Yeah, King of the Fools would be more likely.)

      So, we stood together – the mermaid and the King of the Sea – as the Wizards, Giants and Goblins roiled by in grand procession.  It isn’t true, by the way, what they say about mermaids not existing.  I know they do for I’ve held one’s hand.

“The Mermaid Story” – a story adapted from Robert Fulghum.

I used to be fat.  Actually I believed my whole life I was fat.  I wasn’t always fat during that time, but in 2000 I fulfilled my belief and found I was 100 pounds over weight.  My life in a nutshell was miserable.  I would not go places or do things because I was fat, I felt like everyone judged me because I was fat, everything I would wear would remind me I was fat and life pretty much sucked.    Even during the times I “believed” I was fat (and actually wasn’t – I have pictures to prove it), I was on a perpetual diet.  I was either depriving myself or binging.  Neither of those is a theme park to exist in.  The regret from the binging brought on the deprivation of diets and injections and unhappiness, which led to another ride on the spinning tea cup of binging.

What has this got to do with money you ask?  The misery I was in was the same misery my clients who wanted more money would share.  They won’t enjoy events in their lives because it costs too much, they feel like if anyone knew their financial situation they would think less of them, they’re wearing last year’s frocks and are reminded of their financial woes every time they get dressed.  They are always thinking about money, depriving themselves of it or spending where they shouldn’t.

In 2000 I realized that my weight issue was a mental “thang” and not a physical “thang”.  Once I stopped believing I was “fat” learning how to rev up my metabolism and eat those things that were fun and yet supported my body in a healthy way was easy.Not health foods (yuck), but life giving, nourishing my soul mental shifts supported me in a new and healthy way.

As these concepts began to take hold in my life, I also realized that the same principles applied to my money clients.  I was approaching it all wrong with them as well.  I could give them all the tools of how to become wealthy, but they still believed something else.  So I started coaching them on how to think wealthy.   I was using the same concepts as I had finally incorporated in my fatness.  It had been staring me in the face the whole time, I just wasn’t marrying being fat with money magnetism.

Cutting back leads to deprivation.

Just like counting calories and cutting back your food intake will help you lose a little weight, the biggest shift comes when shift your thinking from being “fat” to “being fit”.  You can then rev up your metabolism by moving and overhauling how you think about your weight in the first place.  The same thing applies to money.  Sure you can pinch a few pennies here and there, work a little overtime, but you will always still be counting calories or pennies.  When you transform your thinking from a “poor person” or “I’ll never be rich”, to “I deserve wealth and I know how to do it”,  you rev up your money mojo.  There are lots of way to make money, but if you don’t learn how to “receive” it consistently, you will always believe yourself to be “poor”, “just getting by”, “doing okay” or “kinda wealthy”.

Massive confidence trumps fear.

Just as I had the belief that I was “fat” even though I was not, so too so many of my clients are living a belief of “poor”. They are in fear of losing everything.  They are afraid the market will crash, they will lose their job, worried about retirement, afaid the economy will finally implode, fearful an emergency will devastate them financially and the fear is consuming.  When the fear runs you, the only solution is “massive confidence”.  You can be a poor person with money because of the way you think.  When you realize the rules of the money game your confidence begins to accelerate.  True wealth is knowing you can create money no matter what happens.  If you were to lose everything could you re-create it tomorrow? This is where confidence becomes your master and not your slave.  When it comes to the creating money, that part is simple. It is your confidence that you can do it that is always the issue.  Learning wealth principles and creating more confidence will always bring more money mojo.

Build Money Muscles

Just as in weight loss, the best way to rev up your metabolism is through muscle strength.  Money muscle is the consistency of your thoughts.  The reason the weight loss industry is a billion dollar business is because people are looking for a magic pill.  The magic pill is always within you.  I’m not a great fan of the word discipline because it conjures up pain and misery.  The fact is discipline is simply choosing a new set of beliefs which will support you.  A money muscle is strengthened by exercising it.  A physical muscle is created by stretching, lengthening and then breaking down the old muscle to allow a new one to be formed.  Changing your old money thoughts and patterns may seem like work or you can “reframe” it and know that you are creating a lean, mean money mojo machine.  Should you ever find yourself without money you know how to recreate it.

The inner work of weight loss or money magnetism is the cornerstone.  You can be a fat skinny person or a poor rich person.  It’s all in how you see yourself.

You can begin your metamorphosis right now by changing how you mentally, physically and spiritually feel about money.

Money Mantra for the Day:  I am confident I will be in control of my wealth for the rest of my life.

It seems like all my epiphanies happen in the gym these days.  I suspect it’s because my mind is occupied with self-preservation, rather than the ideas proposed by my informal thought committees whose break out sessions are dedicated mostly to:  self-doubt, self-sabotage or self-criticism.  They must take a break when I’m fighting for my next breath and or wiping salty sweat out of my eyes so I can see long enough not to trip or fall face down onto the floor.

This morning after a particularly tortuous Tuesday of punishment and too many grueling minutes of spin, the gorgeous teacher or should I call her dominatrix, said “sit up straight like nothing happened”.   I was swallowed up by her words, “like nothing happened”?   In her version of this suggestion we should not pay any attention to the fact that we had just given the last ounce of energy left in our bodies to twirl our legs so fast they might unscrew off our hips and were completely and utterly out of breath. We should instead bring ourselves back to center breath into the new space of resilience where our bodies know how to recover and to allow that to happen. Open up the channel of the lungs by holding our spines erect to allow that to happen and by the way get ready for the next torture set.

As epiphanies often reveal themselves, a little side bar unfurled next to me.  Three women who are usually thicker than thieves, fit enough to be extras in a work out video, were having a verbal knock down drag out fight.  One of them stormed out and the other two were desperately trying to get the gorgeous teacher to buy into their frenzy.

It was in that moment I wished I had the neuralyzer memory-erasing gadget from Men in Black.  In one fell swoop I could erase the memory of the past few minutes of physical torture as well as the emotional torture which was taking place next to me.   Was the neuralyzer necessary or could we all sit up straight like nothing happened?

I was struck by how this simple idea could save the planet.   Sit up straight like nothing had happened.  It could have easily fit the current situation of breathing through a tough workout, shifting a conflict in a Group X class or change the course of a global conflict.

The good news and bad news of being a conscious being is that we have the ability to think, combine thoughts, process data and make up stories and take action.  What doesn’t serve us are the stories that we create and then hold onto them like they are AESOPs fables to be told over and over and over again, creating our own moral of the story and then rehearsing it ad nauseam.

A friend recently got some news that the terms of her lease on her shop were about to change.  Her reaction was a very common one.  She was angry, resentful, scared reenacted the tale several more times and then began figuring out how to get back at the person or thing causing her the angst.

None of her reaction will make the situation any different or her pain less real if she does not wish it to be so, especially retelling the tale.   The reason she will hold onto the pain is she will hold onto the thoughts of the events and hit that replay button again and again or just leave it on auto pilot.  What would happen is she just neuralyzed the story?

The question is how do we take back the controls?  Forgiveness many will say is a great medicine for this.  Many times I have found myself either in a forgiveness workshop, read a book about it or just tried to engage it.  It is challenging for me and I suspect others when I am still telling the tale of what happened to cause the resentment in the first place.

Could it be that something as simple as sit up straight like nothing happened could be the solution?  It certainly gave me pause this morning as I found myself breathing easier after the words of instruction AND do not have any memory of the fatigue which preceded it this morning.

What a gift from the universe this was in the early morning work out moments.  The gift that we all have our own neuralyzer.  When something pushes your button today or this week, sit up straight like nothing happened.  Stay focused on what happens next.  You might find that nothing actually did happen (except in your mind) and your mind is more powerful than anything to create the next experience.

Oh yeah if you find your inner critic reminding you that it did really happen, you might need a Man in Black.